nice aus

freckledanders:

• i was watching that hot jogger while driving out of the neighborhood but got distracted and crashed but i just woke up in a hospital room and said hot jogger is at my bedside because apparently they’re the one who called the ambulance
  
• we have apartments next to each other and sometimes you’re blasting shitty music but other times you’re jerking off and that’s even louder than the music please quiet down
• you left your sketchbook on a bench and i can’t really tell but is this supposed to be me??? am i really that skinny????
• i’m late to work but can’t function correctly without coffee so i stopped at starbucks on the way and i have no idea how to use this menu please help me
• we both live at the beach and it’s spring break so we bond over the hatred of college kids ruining everything
• it’s a heat wave out and you’re wearing a goddamn hoodie so please take this water bottle i just stole bought from a hot dog stand before you die of overheating
• we’re at the beach and my friend is off fighting people for a spot near the ocean and they packed a lot so yes, could you please help me unload my truck?
• i tried to call a crisis hotline but got one number off and started ranting for 10 minutes before you got to speak and tell me i got the wrong number but now you’re worried about me and telling me not to hang up
• i want to be ‘the man who can’t be moved’ level romantic but i spent an hour just trying to pick out a candy bar for you because i wasn’t sure what you like im sorry
• my friend brought you along to an outing of ours and i get way too into singing along to mumford and sons songs in the car and my friend is laughing but you’re trying to imitate a banjo sound with your mouth because what’s mumford and sons without violent banjo playing
• it’s my tradition to eat twizzlers while marathoning this show on it’$ anniversary but i ran out so i’m in the walmart candy aisle at 2 am crying because i can’t find the twizzlers please help me